People experiencing difficulty often want someone who understands them to help them through. This article presents one technique called reflective listening that may provide such support.
Reflective listening is a simple yet profound tool, going beyond words to engage people emotionally and create spaces of healing and understanding.
1. Paraphrase
People who are distressed want to feel heard, rather than fixed. One way reflective listening can help is by reflecting back what someone just said with your own interpretation; it shows you are actually paying attention and helps ensure you don’t misinterpret anything that has been said by either party.
Traditional instruction on paraphrasing typically entails restating the source text before creating an alternative that does not resemble plagiarism (Purdue OWL). Unfortunately, students who rely on this approach alone to paraphrase may find themselves stuck in knowledge telling territory by swapping out synonyms and altering grammatical structures to produce an aesthetically pleasing outcome – leaving them wondering whether their efforts have done enough to avoid plagiarism territory and why such an easy task has become so confusing for them.
Heinz College conducted a study that used video to address this concern by showing students that paraphrasing requires more than simply repeating what has already been written, it involves creating new meaning from what has already been said by altering ideas from one text and merging them with those from others as part of an argumentative stew. The authors discovered that their participants could better distinguish effective and ineffective paraphrasing after viewing the video than prior. Furthermore, participants were more likely to apply this understanding to their writing after watching. According to the research team’s explanation, this may be because paraphrasing can be seen as a spectrum from knowledge telling to knowledge transforming.
2. Mirror
No matter how it may seem, people struggling emotionally often don’t require anyone else to fix them; they simply want someone who understands them. One effective strategy to demonstrate your understanding would be mirroring what they say with slightly modified language – such as saying, “You seem upset” instead of, “I’m sorry you are feeling this way”. This approach works particularly well when used with children and is known as affect labeling, which is also a proven de-escalation method.
3. Ask Questions
People in emotional turmoil don’t generally need someone else to fix them or prove your point; rather, they just want someone they can relate to who can understand. While this concept can be hard to grasp at first, it’s crucial for dealing with angry customers effectively.
One way to demonstrate that you understand someone is by asking questions. Start simple like “What are you describing?” or “How does it feel to you?”, to show that you understand them better.
This technique works especially well when applied to children; however, adults don’t tend to think in terms of feelings when speaking – rather they use language as a way of asserting status and power. By employing this tactic with children you may avoid getting drawn into the emotional vortex created by their anger and frustration.
4. Conclude
Reflective listening is an invaluable asset that can help in various situations. From dealing with an upset customer to supporting coworkers seeking balance in their work life, reflective listening can provide your team members with tools for creating stronger connections and resolving any conflicts or disputes.
Reflecting back what someone has said can be useful in showing that you understand them fully, while at the same time helping avoid miscommunication by clarifying any points that need further explanation. It’s important not to overuse this technique – too much reflection could make the dialogue appear forced and contrived; focus instead on reflecting back only key points or emotions to keep conversations natural and authentic.
Reflective listening can be beneficial in many professional environments, from building trust and empathy between employees to encouraging collaboration among them. Furthermore, reflective listening helps diffuse tense situations and facilitate conflict resolution by validating speaker feelings while stimulating dialogue and discussion.
Reflective listening can also be used effectively in personal relationships. For example, if your partner is going through a tough situation, reflective listening is an invaluable way to affirm their emotions by paraphrasing and mirroring what they say back. Furthermore, reflective listening helps strengthen friendships by forging deeper emotional ties while conveying empathy.
Reflective listening has its roots in counseling and psychotherapy, especially Carl Roger’s theory of person-centered therapy. Contrary to other therapeutic techniques which emphasize understanding client thoughts and feelings, this approach emphasizes genuine communication based on empathy and unconditional positive regard. No wonder reflective listening has proven so effective in multiple fields, from business to interpersonal relations. Reflective listening’s emphasis on empathic understanding makes it ideal for any situation in which two individuals are struggling to establish communication and work through problems together. By reflecting back the speaker’s words and asking pertinent questions, you can encourage them to open up about their issues in an honest and productive manner, leading them towards honest dialogue and problem-solving. This method is especially helpful in customer service settings where communication with customers is of utmost importance.
